If you’re into monogamy, the idea of finding one person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with can feel quite daunting, if not draining. The concept perpetuated by rom-coms and chick flicks of overly romantic and simplified storylines don’t help the situation either. But it is possible. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it.
My parents have been married for over 35 years, which is a bloody long time. I’ve seen them work at it and work together and its made me have a lot of faith in “the one”. I feel very lucky to have been blessed with such a strong relationship as an example in my life, and it’s helped me see my relationships in a different light.
I believe in the concept that there is someone out there meant to be for everyone. And I believe in a version of love at first sight. I feel like it is entirely possible to know when someone is going to be around for the long haul very early on, just like you know when someone won’t be.
I moved in with my boyfriend just 7 months after meeting him on an app. For many this was seen as too soon, or too rushed and the “are you sure?” questions were asked many a time to both of us, but yeah we were, and are sure. It’s been great.
Before I met my partner, I had an idea of what I wanted. Not just in terms of appearance etc but in certain quirks I wanted. I vividly remember watching Flirty Dancing with my Mum before I’d started dating. For anyone unfamiliar with the show, Ashley Banjo from Diversity teaches two strangers a dance routine separate to each other. They then meet when they dance and based off that alone decide whether they want to see each other again. It’s a show of romance movies and I love it. I remember saying to my Mum in-between tears from how beautiful the show was that I just wanted a man that would dance with me in the street without a care in the world. And with that became the criteria that made me realise I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my partner.
We were walking down the beach after an amazing date early on. It was late in the evening in the summer so it was still a little light and people were still on the beach with bonfires. We were on our way back to the car when he just started to dance and sing and pull me to do it with him. He carried on and I just watched him dance and sing away and couldn’t help myself from thinking I’m in love with you.
It took me a little longer to tell him I was, but I knew it so strongly.
I felt at ease around him, totally and utterly consumed in the moment we were sharing together. He made me laugh constantly and to this day, there hasn’t been a moment shared together where I haven’t laughed at something he’s said or done. For me laughter is one of the biggest indicators of whether someone is meant for you. Life is about being happy, and if you’re not able to joke or smile together, it’s not meant to be. Before our first date, when we were messaging I was getting cheek ache from smiling so much. There was just this instant connection that drew us together.
He makes me value myself. I’ve been in relationships before where I’ve felt I’ve had to change, be it physically or emotionally. I’ve felt that I didn’t fit their ideal. And rather than finding someone who’s ideal I fit, I tried to change myself. It’s a mistake that I think everyone makes at some point, but it’s being aware that helps break the cycle.
I was unapologetically me from day one. No compromises. I laid my cards on the table, and he laid his. We became vulnerable together and grew to know more and more about each other every day. I was obsessed with getting to know him more, and I loved everything I learnt.
I joke that I knew he was the one from our first date, when we went to McDonalds and without asking he ordered me a large fries. He knew even before he knew me, that the way to my heart was the humble potato. I joke that it was when he didn’t run away the first time I laughed so hard I farted by accident.
To be honest, I didn’t know he was the one in an instant, it grew into that. It was the little things he did that made me fall harder and harder in love, to the point that now I can’t see my life without him. It’s the way he makes my cup of tea, or when he kisses me on the forehead when I’m mad. It’s how he embraces the tonnes of houseplants we have and doesn’t complain when I want to buy more cushions for our sofa.
I knew he was the one when there became no one else but him.
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